As a parent, I’m responsible for teaching my son essential life skills, like how to brush his teeth and how to pronounce Saltalamacchia. But with each passing year, I’m increasingly astounded by how much I learn (or relearn) from him. Being a parent is a chance to revisit everything I’ve stopped noticing (“Look at that Superman track in the sky!”) and every question I’ve stopped pondering (“Mama, what’s inside of your bones?”). Now that my son is four, I’m taking a few more of his lessons to heart:
- Try new things. Kids are new to the world, so pretty much everything is a new experience. They haven’t had a chance to settle into habits or to convince themselves of their own limitations. It’s liberating for adults to remind ourselves that we’re still allowed to try something we’ve never done before. I initially declined a recent invitation to water-ski (because as a rule, I don’t water-ski), but my son told me I just had to try. It ended up being exhilarating. As lawyers, we can consider exploring an unfamiliar area of law or cultivating a new skill that will help our practice. We shouldn’t give ourselves artificial limits based on things we “don’t do.”
- Embrace your quirks. While it’s important to branch out, it’s also important to recognize what we excel at and gravitate toward. I try to cultivate my son’s natural interests, like baseball and books. He also has a very particular fondness for making detailed notes and then precisely folding these “maps” and “receiptments.” I don’t know if there’s some sort of architectural or urban planning potential here, but I do provide the paper and a listening ear so he can continue his projects. At work, we can seek out opportunities to do what we love and use our natural talents. We can try to garner support for projects we’re passionate about and support similar efforts by our colleagues.
- Be unselfconscious. My four-year-old does his thing without any fear of embarrassment or judgment. He has no problem walking up to a group of big kids and holding court, oblivious to their laughs or whispers. He proudly puts together ensembles of baseball pants, a Charlotte’s Web T-shirt, and neon rain boots. He sings with wild abandon anytime and anywhere. I want him to savor this outlook while it lasts (I know it won’t be long), and I try to channel a little bit of his self-assurance myself. While we do have to consider our workplace reputation, we can’t always be paralyzed by worrying what other people will think.
- Practice what you preach. Kids quickly catch on to the fact that grownups often don’t follow their own rules. (“Mama!! We don’t say that word!” “You didn’t ask nicely!” “But you’re eating standing up!”) Living with a miniature policeman has its challenges, but it’s also a good reminder that no matter what we say, we’re really teaching by example. We can all talk about what it takes to be a good coworker or how devoted we are to clients or customers, but putting those words into practice every day is how we maintain credibility.
- Question the status quo. The only thing kids say more than “no” is “why?” Although the constant onslaught of questions can be exasperating, I also have to admire my son’s questioning spirit and his relentless pursuit of justice. When he drills down far enough to reach “Because I said so,” he’s probably hit on a rule or regulation that doesn’t have a rock-solid foundation. We’re all busy, and it’s easier (for grownups) not to question entrenched systems that could use reworking. But we have to ask the hard questions if we want to keep improving.