What do most people think of when they hear the word lawyer? Hard-nosed advocate? Bulldog who will stop at nothing to win? Showy courtroom performer?
The best lawyers are often some combination of these things. But, in my experience, they also have a quality that is so understated and so seamlessly entwined in their day-to-day life that it generally doesn’t even get noticed. They’re polite.
Skeptical? Think about the most successful lawyers you know—the ones who have long and distinguished careers, commendable track records, and happy clients. These lawyers have earned the respect of colleagues, clients, adversaries, and judges. And most of them have done so by knowing how to act in various situations, listening and learning, and consistently treating people well.
I read an article recently by Paul Ford, a writer and programmer, about how being polite has impacted his life. (I am not providing a link to the post, out of politeness, because it has some pretty colorful language.) In it, he explains how one aspect of being polite--listening to other people talk about themselves--makes a difference:
My ability to go to a party and speak to anyone about anything, to natter and ask questions, to turn the conversation relentlessly towards the speaker, meant that I was gathering huge amounts of information about other people.
This is actually a pretty great description of what the best lawyers can do. They are great listeners and gatherers of information. When a client comes to them, they know what questions to ask—and they listen to the answers. They know how to make the client feel at ease by creating an air of respectability and control. The best lawyers don’t file useless motions or send rude e-mails—they pick up the phone and try to work it out. When the best lawyers walk into the courtroom, they are courteous to the judge and to opposing counsel. They anticipate the questions the judge will ask, thank the judge for asking them, and answer them directly. They take time out of their day to say hello to court staff.
What’s at the bottom of all of this behavior? Is politeness just something that good lawyers put on, like a nice suit? No. The kind of politeness I’m talking about is consistent and genuine. So where does it come from? At the end of the piece I referenced above, the author notes—almost as a throwaway—that he is “often consumed with a sense of overwhelming love and empathy” for other people. And, although we might not phrase it in such a flowery way when it comes to lawyers, it’s true. The best lawyers do all of the polite things I’ve mentioned, but not for the ends they achieve . They do these things because they care about and respect other people. It just so happens that they’re better lawyers because of it.