It’s no secret that attorneys particularly struggle with work-life balance. The lack thereof is a frequently cited grievance among unhappy associates. Some argue balance is simply unattainable for certain members of our profession. Maybe that’s true. But, even the busiest attorneys need sleep, get sick, require dental visits, and have families (if not children, then parents or siblings or friends) who sometimes need things. We are human.
That’s why I was disturbed when I read a new attorney’s commentary in Michigan Lawyers Weekly (published October 3, 2014, and available by subscription) describing her efforts to create the illusion that she is always at the office. She deletes any “sent from my phone” line at the bottom of an e-mail so it appears she is sending it from her desk. If she gets a call on the weekend, she “barricades [herself] in the bedroom” so the caller won’t hear her dog. And when she had to care for her one-year-old for a brief period at the office when child care fell through due to an emergency, she made sure to hide her daughter’s presence on a conference call. She admits her actions may be “silly,” but she feels that it’s better to hide any semblance of a personal life at this point in her career.
To a certain extent, I understand this attorney’s perspective. I don’t think anyone would dispute the importance of both appearing to work hard and actually doing so, especially early on. But there is working hard and there is pretending you are not human. It seems to me this young lawyer is doing the latter, and I see that as problematic. Why would her client care if her dog is in the background on a Saturday? Maybe her client also has a dog and they could bond over that. Why can’t she just explain to the people on the conference call that “an emergency has come up so I have my toddler for the moment; sorry if she giggles inappropriately”? This attorney is already making herself available all the time. Can’t she be just a little human too?
Pretending you have no needs or life outside of work strikes me as unsustainable. What’s worse, it creates an expectation of superhumanness that is thrust onto each incoming class of new lawyers. So why perpetuate the cycle? Are we really benefiting our clients and our careers this way? I don’t see other professionals going to such lengths. When I’ve had to speak to doctors on call, they are invariably where I would expect: at home, eating out, walking a dog. I can hear it in the background. There is no attempt to hide it.
Maybe a better approach is what Jennifer Dulski, president and COO at Change.org, calls the “Work/Life Mashup.” According to Dulski, “work and life are layers on top of each other, with rotating levels of emphasis.” So when a family member needs something important, she takes care of it—even during work hours. Similarly, she handles work issues during family time when necessary. Dulski says that celebrating this overlap has reduced her personal guilt and has fostered a more family-friendly culture at work. This model may not be perfect, but acknowledging that we have families/pets/lives seems like a step in the right direction.