As a lawyer and mother of a two-year-old, my parenting experiences inevitably influence my job. I am guilty of blanking on a simple word due to sleep deprivation, conducting meetings with snack particles stuck to my person (thanks for the heads-up, colleagues), and oversharing about my son’s potty issues at lunchtime. But could lawyers actually benefit from approaching our work with some parenting lessons in mind? I don’t think it would hurt. Here are some of the overlaps I’ve been pondering:
- Appreciate the little things. I get so much more enjoyment out of previously mundane or routine tasks now that I have a highly observant little human around. Did you know that on a sunny day there’s light in the water? Or that you passed four red cars, a school bus with wheels (that, incidentally, go round and round), and a big truck on your commute? (Note: don’t ask my son to say “big truck.”) Or that the grocery store is a vast wonderland waiting to be explored? I know this doesn’t always apply to work life—you can only get so excited about sending out invoices or answering interrogatories—but it does help to think about the little ways that your efforts make a difference. Remember that every piece of your work has value, not just the big stuff.
- Be friendly. My son says “Hi!” to everyone he sees. Granted, he also says “Hi!” to corn on the cob, squirrels, and his own foot. But the fact remains: It makes people happy to be greeted with a smile. You’re probably not as cute as my son (no one is), but you can still make a colleague or client’s day a little brighter by acknowledging them and making eye contact. Besides, being pleasant is easy to do and doesn’t take any extra billable time out of your day.
- Be a close reader. Have you ever read a child one of his favorite books and either accidentally or “accidentally” skipped a couple of pages? The child was probably all over you like white on rice because he knew that content cold. Given the information overload lawyers face daily, we could all benefit from slowing down and reading the important things carefully enough to digest them. That goes for e-mails to and from clients, pleadings, discovery responses, motions, contracts, briefs, and everything in between. Silence your phone, ignore the blinking light, and just read.
- Be prepared. When my son was born, my purse became community property. On any given day it contains a veritable cornucopia of diapers, wipes, snacks, pop-up books, a singing dinosaur, four broken crayons, and a striped sock. I challenge you to find parents who would take a toddler on an excursion without preparing a similar arsenal. Although the “bag of tricks” is different at work, it is best to approach any professional situation with all the tools you need to succeed. This takes preparation and planning for all contingencies. Think and plan ahead so you can respond to arguments, troubleshoot, and execute a backup plan if needed.
- Give yourself a timeout. Toddler meltdowns happen, and, usually, a timeout follows. In our house, when the wailing and sniffling subsides and everyone’s breathing returns to normal, we have a conversation. I talk to my son about what happened, why his response to the situation wasn’t good, and to whom he might need to apologize. How often do we, as adults, demand that level of introspection and accountability of ourselves? If you blow up or react poorly to something on the job, as we all do, take some time, step back, and think about what really happened. People respect colleagues who take responsibility and try to make things right when they’ve made a mistake.
Lawyers talk a lot these days about work/life balance. But when you’re in the throes of parenthood, sometimes everything just bleeds together. Of course, I’m making the above observations with a wink. But I really have found that despite the occasional raisin in my hair, most of the things I’ve learned as a parent influence my work in a positive way. I’ll let you know if the same can be said of the teenage years.